Monday, September 13, 2010

2010 MTV Video Music Awards

Similar to what I did for the ESPYs, I DVRed the VMAs and wrote a live-blogging style post about the performances, awards, fashion, and made my own predictions about the winners. (I made sure not to read tweets or for almost 24 hours, and if you ask anyone who knows me, that wasn't easy.)

So without further ado, from the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles, the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards, hosted by Chelsea Handler.

9:00pm: Eminem is a fucking baller. So ridiculously talented. Awesome opening act for the show.

9:03pm: Oh hey, Rihanna. Not digging the red hair, but digging the duet.

9:07pm: Other than it mocking Lady Gaga, I'm not entirely sure I get Chelsea Handler's entrance.

9:09pm: Why does Chelsea not have a voice right now?

9:10pm: Snooki got rid of the poof and moved onto bangs. Fail.

9:12pm: "It's time to address the big black elephant in the room. Where's Kanye?"

9:13pm: Ellen DeGeneres presenting the award for the Best Female Video:

Beyonce featuring Lady Gaga - Video Phone
Ke$ha - Tik Tok
Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg - California Girls
Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
Taylor Swift - Fifteen

My vote: Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg - California Gurls
My prediction: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
Winner: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

She's talented, but she's weird as fuck. Her outfit? Are you kidding me? I know it's McQueen, but it's ugly. She also is very out of breath in her speech, and I'm not really sure why.

9:16pm: Gaga's speech: "Thank you to all the gays for remaking this video over and over again." Kanye, now's you're chance! Interrupt her!

9:18pm: Deadmau5 mixing Mike Posner right now. Absolute best of both worlds.
9:23pm: The cast of Jackass 3D showing a not-so-funny skit and presenting the award for Best Rock Video:

MGMT - Flash Delirium
Florence and the Machine - Dog Days are Over
30 Seconds to Mars: Kings and Queens
Muse - Uprising
Paramore - Ignorance 

My vote: 30 Seconds to Mars - Kings and Queens
My prediction: Paramore - Ignorance
Winner: 30 Seconds to Mars - Kings and Queens

Pleasantly surprised! Paramore has been everyone's obsession since Twilight took off and I just don't really care for them. Glad people are getting off that bandwagon.

9:27pm: Kim Kardashian looks out of this world as she's introducing Justin Bieber in his first VMA performance.

9:28pm: Girls are chasing Bieber everywhere. The whole city has Bieber fever. Wait til puberty hits this kid, guys.

9:29pm: Impressed. Dare I say Justin Bieber is good live. How long do you think those girls stood outside the stage to get front row seats?

9:32pm: Since when does Bieber play the drums? He definitely practiced long hours for that solo.

9:38pm: Ke$ha and Trey Songz onstage introducing Usher. Ke$ha sounds like an absolute moron.

9:39pm: Usher performing "DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again." I love this song; he'd really have to fuck up the performance for me not to like it. I would prefer that he sang a little bit more of it as opposed to letting the track play, but I understand it's hard when you're running around the stage in a robot suit.

9:40pm: OMG, I hate this performance. OMG was never a good song. Enough.

9:43pm: Sorry, did I miss something? Who's in the black body suit with the white sunglasses? Tell me it's not Kanye. (Edit: It's of the Black Eyed Peas, thankfully, but it doesn't make the outfit any less bizarre.)

9:44pm: Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj presenting the award for Best Male Video. They're not funny or well-dressed. At all.

Usher - OMG
Drake - Find Your Love
B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams - Airplanes
Eminem - Not Afraid
Jason Derulo - In My Head

My vote: Eminem - Not Afraid
My prediction: Eminem - Not Afraid
Winner: Eminem - Not Afraid

Thank GOD. There was no contest there and I'm glad everyone else saw that as well.

9:46pm: Still stoked that Deadmau5 is mixing.

9:52pm: Ashley Greene and Jared Leto onstage introducing Florence and the Machine. The only reason I know this song is because it was in every single Eat, Pray, Love preview on television.

9:57pm: Travie McCoy, Bruno Mars. One of you, please marry me.

10:03pm: Chelsea Handler has made me laugh once this entire show. Not impressed so far.

10:03pm: The Glee Cast onstage presenting the award for Best Pop Video (and Jane Lynch showing her age by calling Ke$ha "Kay-sha"):

Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg - California Gurls
Ke$ha - Tik Tok
Beyonce featuring Lady Gaga - Video Phone
B.o.B. featuring Bruno Mars - Nothin' on You
Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

My vote: B.o.B. featuring Bruno Mars - Nothin' on You
My prediction: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
Winner: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

Outfit change. As someone aptly put it, Gaga looks like the lion, the witch, AND the wardrobe. My vote went to B.o.B. because it was the only song I'm not entirely sick of hearing.

10:06pm: Gaga's speech: "Sorry if I'm a little slow tonight... fashion roadkill." At least she knows it.

10:07pm: Chris Pine and Rosario Dawson onstage introducing Taylor Swift's first performance of her new single, "Innocent".

10:07pm: Hahahaha they seriously just showed a clip of Kanye stealing Taylor's thunder last year? Daaaaaamn.

10:11pm: Didn't realize Taylor actually wrote this for Kanye. Yikes, what a slap in the face. At least she wasn't a flaming bitch like she could have been. Sidenote, I don't think the Marilyn look is really working for her. Neither is the barefoot look.

10:12pm: On second thought, she really dedicated an entire song to that clown?

10:21pm: Justin Timberlake, Jesse Eisenberg, and Andrew Garfield onstage introducing Drake.

10:21pm: Justin, you know how it feels to finally get your chance at the spotlight? What, when you were nine?

10:22pm: Drake performing with Mary J. Blige and Swiss Beatz. Mary J always kills it. I'll give it to Drake too, he looked smoooookin' in that white suit.

10:27pm: I'm not sure if I'm supposed to know who these people are but no one introduced them. (Edit: I'm told it's Evan Rachel Wood and Joe Manganiello.) However, they're announcing the winners for the Professional VMAs:

Choreography, Editing, & Direction: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
Special Effects: Muse - Uprising
Art Direction: Florence and the Machine - Dog Days are Over
Cinematography: Jay-Z & Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind

10:32pm: The cast of Jersey Shore is in a hot tub on the VMA stage. Also not funny and reminding the country that they will never be actors and actresses.

10:34pm: Sofia Vergara (looking unbelievable as usual) presenting the award for Best Hip-Hop Video:

Eminem - Not Afraid
B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams - Airplanes
Drake, Kanye West, and Eminem - Forever
Kid Cudi featuring MGMT and Ratatat - Pursuit of Happiness
Jay-Z and Swiss Beatz - Onto the Next One 

My vote: Drake, Kanye West, and Eminem - Forever
My prediction: Eminem - Not Afraid
Winner: Eminem - Not Afraid

Both were great, just going with a video that hadn't won yet. Go Eminem, you're 2 for 2.

10:41pm: Selena Gomez and Ne-Yo introducing B.o.B., Hayley Williams, Bruno Mars, and Paramore. Selena is taller than Ne-Yo, and her dress is producing a glare on my TV screen.

10:42pm: No problem saying it again: Bruno Mars, please marry me and make sure you sing your vows to me.

10:43pm: B.o.B. is hot. Seriously. Wow. And Hayley Williams is killing it, but her stylist needs to be fired immediately. 

10:47pm: Someone wanna fill me in, who's Robyn?
10:52pm: Romeo from Aventura and Victoria Justice present the award for Best New Artist:

Justin Bieber - Baby featuring Ludacris
Nicki Minaj - Massive Attack featuring Sean Garrett
Jason Derulo - In My Head
Broken Bells - The Ghost Inside
Ke$ha - Tik Tok

My vote: Nick Minaj
My prediction: Justin Bieber (do I even have to make this?)
Winner: Justin Bieber

Justin has no idea how to get on stage. Amateur. That was Nick Minaj's award to win, but he has too many twelve year-old girls voting nonstop to overtake him.

10:55pm: Emma Stone and Penn Badgley introducing Lincoln Park.

10:55pm: *Insert Antoine Dodson joke here.* "Obviously, we have a rapist in Lincoln Park."

11:04pm: Without fail, MTV cannot stay in their 2-hour time limit. Cher presenting the award for Video of the Year (and making the VMAs infinitely better in the process):

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
Florence and the Machine - Dog Days Are Over
30 Seconds to Mars - Kings and Queens
Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce - Video Phone
Eminem - Not Afraid
B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams - Airplanes

My vote: Eminem - Not Afraid
My prediction: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance (also a no-brainer)
Winner: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

A third outfit change. She is wearing meat. On her head. And all over her body. She is the strangest performer out there but she is crazy-talented. Yes, I like Eminem better but she definitely deserved it.

11:08pm: Gaga Speech: "I never thought I'd be asking Cher to hold my meat purse." Neither did we, Gaga.

11:09pm: Aziz Ansari onstage introducing Kanye West. The elephant is in the room.

11:15pm: Kanye killed it. VMAs 2009 were about loving Taylor and hating Kanye, and the world of pop culture has come full circle. Taylor Swift left the VMAs without an award and dirty feet, and Kanye rocked out singing about douche bags and assholes. I was one of the people who loved to hate him, but he certainly made a hell of a statement, especially with everyone chanting "Kanye" as he walked off the stage. I would say he had the last word at the VMAs.

Alright, so I wasn't impressed with any sort of comedic aspect of the show whatsoever, but people looked good and performed even better. And let's face it, could the VMAs really have sucked any more than they did last year?

The VMAs had a white red-carpet this year, and here are some of the best and some of the god-awful looks that celebs rocked to the award show.

The Top 5 Best Looks of the 2010 VMAs

 5. Deadmau5 rocked maize & blue on the red carpet, respect.

 4. Sofia Vergara. Need I say more?

3. Usher looking dashing in all black

2. Only losing to the best dressed celebrity by a slim margin my book, Audrina Patridge's sparkly number really works for her
(although I'm not big on her oranging skin).

1. Ashley Greene. What a 180 from her ESPY disaster. Perfection.

While I'd say the fashion was better this year than it was last year, there were still a lot of people in desperate need of a new stylist. I'm not even sure I can list only 5, so I'll have a few runner-ups before going into the top 5 worst.

Worst-Dressed Runners-Up

 Now, let me preface this with all of the actual girls looked beautiful. I'm not sure I'm digging Snooki's bangs or Selena Gomez's Xena the Warrior Princess extensions, but as a whole, all of these girls looked very pretty. However, their outfit choices confuse me. I suppose we can't expect much better from Snooki and I'm sure Sammi Sweetheart hasn't quite figured out what's red-carpet appropriate yet (hint: this isn't), but Selena, as well as Stephanie Pratt and Lo Bosworth should definitely know what they're doing, or their stylists should. Selena's dress is way too shiny, I don't really understand Stephanie's at all, and Lo's is just all sorts of wrong. So these girls looked good, they were just horribly misguided.

As for the rest of the them...
The Top 5 Worst Looks of the 2010 VMAs

5. Jersey Shore's newest cast member, Deena Nicole. It's clear she's a newbie cause this dress is not working for anybody.

4. Florence Welch, I'm not sure why you thought long sleeves was a good idea. Or this dress in general.

3. The colored streaks and the not-really-a-dress dress that Katy Perry wore really confuse me. Like why she thought a dress with no top and candy-colored highlights were really a combo fit for the red carpet.

2. Ke$ha. Garbage. Trash. Literally. She's wearing a garbage bag from Home Depot. She said so herself. I won't even comment on the braid.

1. I feel bad saying Lady Gaga was the worst dressed because it's not even like she's in the same category as anyone else. I completely overlooked her Alexander McQueen mishap and chose to display her outfit made entirely out of raw meat. Even for her, that's pushing it.

And that's a wrap for the 2010 VMAs.
Mildly entertaining, but they had nothing on the ESPYs.

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