Saturday, April 13, 2013

GUEST POST: The Bro's Guide to Business Fashion

Couldn't be happier than to have one of my favorite law school boys guest-posting for me today to lighten my blogosphere workload while I attempt to be a student these last few weeks of school. Ladies and gentlemen, Tuscaloosa's very own version of Don Draper, and his wise words on men in suits.

THE BRO'S GUIDE TO BUSINESS FASHION

Most of you that have had the pleasure of knowing me must be pretty surprised to see me writing about fashion. After all, my staple outfits consist mostly of flannels and cowboy boots. Basically, I spend my time doing stuff like this, and completely ignore anything fashion related. Recently, however, I've been interning in the U.S. Senate. In a place where dark suits are more of a rule than a norm, my eyes have been opened to the peculiar fashion faux pas of the business world.  

While walking the halls of the Senate Office Buildings for the past couple of months, I've noticed what “works” when it comes to business attire for young male professionals. Inspired by Felicity’s uncanny ability to write about fashion and sports at the same dang time (and by this cover), I decided to lay out a few fashion principles for you future suit-donning ballers.

It’s important to note that these are a few rules for relatively young professionals. If you’re 55 years old and reading a fashion blog about how to dress for work, you’re probably one of these guys. Just stick with that tacky Mickey Mouse tie your kid got you for Christmas 15 years ago and carry on. Nobody gives a flying Florida Gulf Coast how you dress. For everyone else, here are three basic principles to follow.

1.       Put that 3-button suit in the attic with your cassette tapes.

There are two types of people in this world: (a) Genetically superior individuals that are over six-feet tall, and (b) you other guys.

If you happen to fall into group (b), you probably should never, ever, wear a three button suit. That junk went out of style in the 90’s with N’Sync. Yes, I know some of you folks are saying “but Justin Timberlake is still cool!” Shut up. If you’re a guy reading a fashion post and listening to Justin Timberlake, we’ve got bigger problems than your business attire. Just keep wearing what you’re wearing, and hopefully you’ll find you one of those chicks that likes feminine guys. Heck, maybe y’all can go to a Hanson reunion concert together. In the meantime, at least shave like a man.

If you, like me, were blessed with a little height (thanks dad), don’t go throwing away all those three button suits. You can still pull one out every once in a while without looking like old school Newt Gingrich. Just, for heaven’s sake, do not button all three buttons.

2.          Keep it simple, stupid.

I’ve been seeing a few of these frilly, modern, euro-inspired outfits running around lately. Save that junk for your trips to the art museum. This is America. Stick with what’s tried and true. Think, Harvey Specter off of the TV show “Suits,” rather than trying to look like this buffoon.

3.          Under 45? Lose the pocket square.

You’re not Donald Trump. Nobody wants to see some poorly folded handkerchief poking out of that slick suit. That is, unless you’re in the NBA and have a championship ring. Then, by all means, feel free to let that bad boy explode.

Welp, that’s it. I don’t feel like writing anything else about fashion. I’d rather be watching the Masters on my computer at work. So I’ll try and sum this all up into one simple rule: don’t look like a douche. If you’re a young professional working in a job that requires you to wear a suit, odds are that you’re there for the work you do… not because you look like Neal Caffrey. Look nice, look professional, and look clean. Yes, that means shave that Forrest Gump beard you’ve got going on… unless it looks like this. In which case, I don’t think anyone will say anything to you about it.

Carry on.

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