Monday, July 22, 2013

5 Things Not to Say to Your Friend Studying For the Bar

So I am a week out from taking what everyone I know has referred to as 'the most important examination of my life' or 'the culmination of my entire academic career'. Okay, for starters, let's not do that. If someone you know is studying for the bar (which they've likely been doing non-stop since graduation), they're well aware of this test's implications on their unemployed life. If you have a family member or close friend taking the bar, here are some friendly tips on what not to say to them in this upcoming week while they go through several panic attacks a day.

1. How's studying going?
Seriously? My hair looks like a bird might take up residence in it, I've been wearing my glasses for a month straight, and the dining room chair has butt imprints in it. It's fabulous, thanks for asking.

2. You're TOTALLY going to pass, don't even worry about it, you're smart.
A. Statistically, that isn't true (especially if you're in Michigan, New York, California, or Florida). A lot of people that work their asses off fail the bar, and that is just going to make us feel worse if we do. B, we're going to worry about it, so let's not pretend that telling us not to helps. And C, intelligence is almost irrelevant to whether or not someone remembers an inane fact from bar studying to write an entire essay on.

3. You can always take it again.
Yes, thank you. After wasting 3 months of my life doing nothing but pouring over negotiable instruments (also, what the fuck are those?) and hundreds of practice questions and essays, that's totally what I want to do.

4. Do you have a job yet?
This might be the worst one. As if the bar isn't stressful enough, please remind me that I'm also unemployed as soon as this is over and that passing essentially determines my ability to get a job.

5. If you don't pass, you're allowed to take it until you do, right?
Just. No.

But to be honest, anything is going to set off a bar examiner a week before D-Day. I almost cut the library circulation desk woman for laughing too loud, and nothing is worse than someone wanting to share a table with you (does it LOOK like it's okay if you sit here?). At this point, you might as well just avoid your friend/family member/significant other until it's over.

For all of my friends that are taking the bar next week with me, I feel your pain. No one understands what studying for the bar is like unless they've actually gone through it, so try not to kill anyone in the next 7 days and we will all heavily drink together in spirit next Wednesday.


  1. Oops. I've asked all of these questions.... major probs to my now gainfully-employed lawyer friends! (yes, you'll get a job!)

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