Monday, September 29, 2014

CFB Week 5: F/M/K, College Football Edition

Y'all know the game F-M-K. If you don't, look it up; this blog is (generally) family friendly and I don't really feel like explaining the rules of this game to my mother. But I thought that given this weekend's events, we'd play a college football edition of the ever-popular pastime, except the 'F' will stand for FIRE. This week's will be a special all-Michigan version given what's occurred over the last 48 hours, but if all goes well, I'll likely be making this a weekly thing across all of college football.

FIRE: Brady Hoke
I mean, do I even need to say why? This is the first Michigan team in the school's 135 year football history to have 3 losses going into October. In the school's entire history. Not only that, but we have him all over national news this morning after putting Shane Morris back into the game when he was clearly injured and more than likely concussed. He could not stand on his own and could barely walk, but Hoke was like "sure, let's put him back in" after Gardner was pulled for a play for losing his helmet. I'm so disgusted with how this was handled; I don't know what Hoke is trying to prove at this point but Morris's health shouldn't be a pawn in that drama.

MARRY: Jim Harbaugh
Y'all, we need to court the shit out of this man. Put a ring on it, pay him 10 million dollars, whatever it takes. Just do it. Mark Schlissel, this is your first big assignment. Fire Hoke, get rid of the monstrosity running the athletic department because no self-respecting coach will work for David Brandon, and then open up your check book. It is time for a massive overhaul, and Jim Harbaugh is the man we need doing it. Honestly, he was four years ago too, but stars are aligning now. Let's get it done.

KILL: David Brandon
Incase you were wondering, my ever-so-compassionate boyfriend told me that I should list Shane Morris as my kill. Shane Morris, who was left in the game by a completely incompetent staff after clearly being injured and almost certainly having a concussion. Yeah, he sucked, but he doesn't deserve the kill this week, and I'm sure basically everyone will agree with me. This is especially true after David Brandon allowed a deal with Coke to go live at the Michigan student union, giving away two free Michigan vs. Minnesota tickets with any 2 Coca-Cola purchases. So now we're saying that our $75 face value tickets are worth $1.50? Cool, I'm confident season ticket holders aren't pumped about that. Brandon also deserves to be in the fire category, but he has been killing the Michigan football program for the last two years, so he gets the kill title.

Now that I've gotten my pent-up anger out of the way... the rest of the weekend seems sort of uneventful in light of Michigan football making Good Morning America. (11) UCLA completely lit up (15) ASU 62-27 on Thursday night, and (1) Florida State was on upset alert almost the entire game against North Carolina State on Saturday before coming out victorious 56-41 (with a 35-point second half). (6) Texas A&M was losing to Arkansas almost the entire game before tying it up and taking them down 35-28 in overtime. The biggest HLA was for (12) Georgia, who beat Tennessee by the skin of their teeth 35-32, and it was Tennessee's own fault after fumbling on their own 1-yard line which Georgia recovered for a touchdown. The big upset of the weekend and the College Gameday game was Missouri beating (13) South Carolina 21-20. Yes, the same Missouri who lost to Indiana last weekend, and the same SC who beat Georgia. Georgia, this does not reflect well on you.
Next week's schedule looks like a college football fan's dream, and I could not be more excited to not move all freaking day. We have six ranked vs. ranked games next weekend. SIX!

Thursday October 2
Arizona at (2) Oregon - 10:30pm on ESPN
Saturday October 4
(6) Texas A&M at (12) Mississippi State - 12pm on ESPN
(3) Alabama at (11) Ole Miss - 3:30pm on CBS (College GameDay game)
(4) Oklahoma at (25) TCU - 3:30pm on FOX
(14) Stanford at (9) Notre Dame - 3:30pm on NBC
(7) Auburn at (15) LSU - 7pm on ESPN
(19) Nebraska at (10) Michigan State - 8pm on ESPN
Oh and incase anyone cares... Michigan plays Rutgers at 7pm on the BTN. I don't even know if I can stomach watching it. I've never been more disappointed to be a Michigan fan than I am right now. Thankfully, I have Alabama to watch while Michigan decides when it's going to act like a legitimate college football program again. Roll Tide.

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